Pathway in the Sea

Ever see a butterfly flutter by? John 3:7-8


Psalm 77:19

Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known.



"The best way to show that a stick is crooked is not to argue about it or to spend time denouncing it, but to lay a straight stick along side it."

-D. L. Moody

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Fw: Separation of church and state.


Separation of Church and State.


                                   Prologue


Judges 16
28 And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes.
29 And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.
30 And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.
Chapter 1

I did not choose Him, He chose me. I have seen and heard and done things that would shatter the sanity of all but the most tempered in spirit and character. The sheer unreality of these experiences and the gaping chasm that they have left in my life would have masticated and engulfed a natural man long ago. But, as you shall see, I am no natural man. And my God is no natural God. His name is I AM SALVATION, THE LORD'S ANOINTED ONE. ETERNAL GOD WITH US. (Jesus Christ. Immanuel.) He is God. And that is very good.
I suppose that the best place to begin is at the beginning. It's difficult to be brief while retaining all of the relevant information. I shall try. Born in '61. Middle child with two brothers. Parents divorced six years later. Parents and siblings intellectually gifted. Healthy self esteem neither nurtured nor encouraged in family. Both grandmothers severe alcoholics. Both parents emotionally and sexually dysfunctional. Grandmother on father's side exhibits sexually inappropriate behavior toward me during my late teens. Mother sexually abused by a stepfather during her childhood. Involved in a sequence of sexually explicit play with other children from preschool age on. Parental and adult input ranged from nonexistent to neurotic with no rational in-between. The world seems to be a place where girls are "good" and "victims" and boys are "evil" and "perpetrators", particularly in sexual behavior, regardless of the facts. This perception is codified when a neighborhood girl initiates sexually oriented play in order to avoid being excluded from our group, and when it comes to light, her mother corners me and a brother (at ages eight and six ) and demands to know what we did to her "innocent" little girl. I wonder where her "innocent" little girl (who was slightly younger than we) learned to use sex to get attention. My father engages in a deliberate and ongoing campaign of social and emotional devaluation of all three of his sons (especially in comparison to females) during early teen years, or, more correctly, whenever he had access. Pornography is accessible and promoted as culturally benign and healthy. Normal sexual impetus becomes indistinguishable from shameful disgusting perversion. At puberty, an incestuous relationship begins with a recently added stepsister of preschool age (via my father's remarriage) which persists into my early twenties. The final incidence is quite instructive and illustrates the twisting of roles in the relationship:
My stepsister, along with a female friend of about the same age ( twelve or so) comes to visit my older brother and his wife for a few days.( My brothers and I are living in a different part of the state at this point.) I come over, and we all watch television late into the night. My older brother and his wife retire, and my stepsister's friend falls asleep in the front room where we were viewing television. Later, we turn off the TV and retreat to our respective sleeping places in the room, me on a low futon and her on the floor. Before long, she has moved near me with one leg on the futon and her genitals exposed to easy reach. After fondling her awhile, as I'm moving to mount her for intercourse, her friend, who is asleep in the corner, stirs. She then, fearing to be exposed in this illicit sexual act, rolls from under and away from me. ( For those of you who are wondering, she was on a prescription of birth control pills to regulate her menstrual cycle. Also, that was the closest I ever came to actually penetrating her. Apparently, someone else had penetrated her by then, though.) At this point in our lives, she was still legally a minor and I was legally an adult, but she had clearly initiated the sexual activity, as she had done many times before, both actively and passively. I'm not pleading "innocent" here. I'm just illustrating that while the sexual pleasure was shared mutually, the shame and degradation were not, at least publicly. (I cannot even begin to quantify the damage the abuse did to her privately. As far as I know, she hasn't communicated with anyone in our family since shortly after her mother died a decade ago. That's probably some indication. I certainly don't fault her, either. Who wouldn't flee such a gruesome scene! Well, me for one, but I'm not natural. A certain serpent has swallowed the truth and I'm obliged to stomp it out of him.) Anyway, my brother's wife later confronted me about the incident, saying that my father had alerted her because of "risks" to the welfare of my toddler nephew. She then related my father's premise that I had "tried something" with my stepsister, but that she had fended me off with a slap! My father had long been aware of sexual shenanigans involving my stepsister and me and yet he presents her account uncritically. Funny how the story gets "politically corrected." (This phenomenon is to have much larger ramifications as this tale unfolds.) In fact, it was due to the fact that I had persisted in sexually abusing her after repeated exposures of this behavior that I was sent to live with my mother at the age of fifteen. I was hopelessly enthralled in sexual confusion and compulsion at that stage. I had developed a penchant for fondling people's genitals as they slept. This behavior was usually triggered by a certain type of eye contact with the person beforehand, but I also engaged in random and extremely risky excursions when under the influence of drugs and alcohol. There was a smattering of homosexual activity, as well, but it was not my perversion of choice and therefore never took hold. I was a psycho-sexual disaster area. I even engaged in sexual abuse of the family dogs.
Leviticus 18
6 None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.
.9 The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.
11 The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.
21 And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, [there's much more about Molech to be revealed]
neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.
23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.
Romans 7
14 For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

Romans 8
1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:
4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us,
who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Chapter 2
In addition to my sexual bondage, while living with my mother, I engage in further self annihilation by imbibing every illegal drug that floats into my orbit. Fortunately, financial straits and an abiding aversion to industry limit the quantities available to me, but not to a degree that prevents substantial damage to my short term memory and powers of concentration, particularly from PCP and LSD. I stumble through high school until, faced with repeating the eleventh grade due to flagging grades and poor attendance, I drop out and enlist in the Navy.
It was amid this wreckage that Jesus begins to manifest Himself to me. I met a girl shortly after moving to my mother's whose family were active Christians. God heap blessings upon her, her mother's first question to me was about my relationship with the Lord. I had to admit that I had none. Through my brief association with them, I attended church and a youth Bible study group for awhile, at which I prayed for the Lord to save me. He didn't seem to hear me at the time, hence my subsequent descent into drug abuse, etc. But He did hear me, and apparently that's all He needed. I later ran into the girl's mother who had exposed me to Christian influences, and she informed me that she was praying that I would become a pastor and teacher of Bible Prophecy. Boy does God answer prayer! But her faith was definitely the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1.) Still later, at the age of seventeen, while goofing off awaiting commencement of active duty in the Navy, the Lord appeared to me in a vision. He seemed to want to emphasize that salvation was purely a program of His sovereign grace, and had zero to do with my religiousness or lack thereof, because at the time I was stoned on a roach that I had found while boating in the California Delta. I was relaxing on a bed with sunshine streaming through the window and music blaring on the stereo, when, with eyes closed, I suddenly saw Jesus standing on a cloud looking down at me. As I watched, I saw myself kneeling on one knee with head bowed before Him, and He kneeled on one knee and reached down and touched the top of my head with the tip of His finger. There was a ray of light beaming up into Heaven from the spot on my head where He touched me. Then I was back inside myself looking at Him standing on the cloud looking at me, and then He was gone. My only thought at the time was " what was that all about?" Apparently, this is a normal reaction to such surprises:
Luke 1
26 And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
27 To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary.
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.

Chapter 3

I wish I could report that I lived "holily ever after" but nothing could be further from the truth. A year later, while my ship was docked in Pearl Harbor, I had something of a spiritual awakening during my first experience with LSD that filled me with a godly fervor for a month or two, but when I hit liberty in the Phillippines I slid into drugs and sex with a vengeance and consequently spent the next several years certain that I was going to Hell without the possibility of repentance.
Hebrews 10
26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
27 But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.
28 He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:
29 Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?
30 For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

That was fun, let me tell you. Imagine living day to day knowing that sooner or later you are going to start serving a sentence of unending torment in the Lake of Fire. Life-o'-the-party material! Talk about a buzz-kill. I was a paragon of indefatigable pessimism. Yet the Lord continued working in my life, the evidence being instances of "coincidence" where events in my life were accompanied by God's Word and signs of confirmation. For example, in pursuit of a loophole (as W. C. Fields described his inquiries into Holy Writ) I purchased some items at a Christian bookstore, among them a book entitled "Guidebook to Discipleship." Within a few days, I attended a fellowship group with a chaplain's assistant from our ship. They were using a certain text, of which all had a copy, as a workbook for their studies. It so happened that I also had a copy of it: "Guidebook to Discipleship."
In another instance, one of my shipmates and I dropped some LSD and went to the beach. We were loitering about on the bike path, girl-watching and what-not, under the influence of this powerful hallucinogen, when we were approached by an older woman. She starts off talking about the homes facing the bike path and segues into how the Children of Israel put the blood of the lamb on their doorposts during Passover the night the Death Angel killed all the firstborn in Egypt. At that point, she had my attention. She continued to chatter at us, somewhat incoherently, until my shipmate could no longer endure it. Last I saw him, he was beckoning me to part company with the woman from about fifty feet away. I waved him off and he departed. (He later explained that he "couldn't handle that woman" by way of apology for leaving! I saw no need for an apology or an explanation!) The woman continued to babble at me until the effects of the LSD subsided. It had to be a period of at least six hours. Once I was able to tell reality from fantasy, I parted company with the woman, feeling somewhat embarrassed because I had been raving on a bit while high. I gave her and her younger female companion some money for their needs (they were "vagrants") and headed back to the ship. I don't know what kind of day I would have had otherwise, but I strongly suspect that that woman was a Heavenly Messenger sent to divert me while under the influence of dangerous drugs and a companion who may well have led me down dark paths of destruction. I believe the reference to the "blood of the lamb" was her calling card. It is an emblem of God's covenant protection of His People. It says " Hands off! God's righteousness! Touch this and die!"
Hebrews 12
18 For ye are not come unto the mount that might be touched, and that burned with fire, nor unto blackness, and darkness, and tempest,
19 And the sound of a trumpet, and the voice of words; which voice they that heard intreated that the word should not be spoken to them any more:
20 (For they could not endure that which was commanded, And if so much as a beast touch the mountain, it shall be stoned, or thrust through with a dart:
21 And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, I exceedingly fear and quake:)
22 But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
23 To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect,
24 And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.
Numbers 23
20 Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.
21 He hath not beheld iniquity in Jacob, neither hath he seen perverseness in Israel: the LORD his God is with him, and the shout of a king is among them.
Hebrews 13
2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
( As far as "entertaining angels"goes, I can't imagine how entertaining that episode was, unless watching a desperately screwed up human being grasp for scraps from God's table is entertaining. Then again, it may have been precious in their sight.)
In yet another instance, I took a self-appointed sabbatical with another shipmate, as we both were very dissatisfied with our lot in the military hierarchy and felt we deserved a vacation from the grind. We made our way to the home of some of his relatives and proceeded to enjoy sun and watersports seasoned with black Afghani hash for a few weeks. One of his relatives was a fifteen-year-old girl. She had previously had a very deep incestuous relationship with an older stepbrother and her attraction to me was instantaneous. ( She was the aggressor in our brief liaison.) Black holes couldn't have kept us apart. Such is the power of the "law of sin". But that is a parallel anecdote. Of equal, if not greater significance was a dream that she related to me. In this dream, she was cavorting in a body of water and I was on the shore. There was an area in the water where the waves were very hypnotic and enticing. I counseled her to avoid the area, but she went into it anyway. After that, she was with a cousin and they had to appropriate some special ID's so they could get necessities at the store. She characterized the excursion as somewhat clandestine. The government was an oppressive regime headed by a strong leader of small physical stature. One of its social priorities was eradicating the differences between men and women. She had this dream in 1980. I immediately sensed its prophetic overtones.
Genesis 5
1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
Revelation 13
1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.
2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
3 And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.
4 And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?
5 And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.
6 And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.
11 And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.
12 And he exerciseth all the power of the first beast before him, and causeth the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast, whose deadly wound was healed.
13 And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of men,
14 And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live.
15 And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.
16 And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:
17 And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.
18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.



Revelation 14
9 And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand,
10 The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb:
11 And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name.
12 Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus.
Very big ju-ju. While these were some examples ( among several) of God's gracious purposes manifesting around me, they didn't jibe with my theology of "certain damnation", so I was never able to get any traction in my spiritual walk.
Chapter 4

I finished my military career with an early discharge for misconduct, having been busted with marijuana on a number of occasions, and a brush with civilian authorities involving a false ID, along with the aforementioned unauthorized vacation, rounded out the highlights of my naval service. The Reagan Administration was tuning up the military and I was invited to help lighten the load. I was delighted to assist. I rose to the dizzying height of E-2, the second lowest pay-grade, only because it was automatic after six months of service, and I put in for it only after prompting by my immediate superiors. My abiding aversion to industry was complicated by a paralyzing fear of promotion, with its attendant increase of responsibility and accountability, not to mention the "deadly peril" of failure. I diligently imposed failure upon myself and thus avoided it befalling me. It could not take me unawares if I never let it out of my sight!
Upon my discharge, I flew home to my mother's with my personal effects and about a thousand dollars of travel money and pay to my name. Most of it was in a postal money order inside my personnel file, which I left on the roof of the car as we loaded my gear at the airport. It was quite a blow to discover it missing when we arrived home. The payee line on the form had not been filled in so it was up for grabs. I said a prayer
( based on the Lord's unqualified faithfulness:
2 Timothy 2
12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:
13 If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.)
as my brother and I returned to the airport the following day. It wasn't in the parking area, but I had a "peace that passes understanding" on the way back. We stopped at the local post office to cancel the money order, where the clerk advised me to pray. I informed her that I already had. When we got home, my mother was all smiles. Someone, upon finding the personnel file, had read the address in it and returned the entire packet, money order included, to our front door! My mother rewarded them twenty dollars and called the post office to "uncancel" the money order, all before we had made the ten minute drive back. The clerk rejoiced when she heard of such a speedy answer to our prayers. Bless the Lord Who shed a little light on my benighted soul. That was a much needed infusion of mercy and grace at a point of deep defeat in my life.
Chapter 5

I drifted from one low level job to another after that, quitting or being fired for one reason or another mainly due to depression and a deep dissatisfaction and hopelessness in life. I couldn't find a job where I got paid to sit around and feel sorry for myself. (There was welfare, but to exploit a system whereby the state commits armed robbery against productive people on behalf of non-productive people was too abhorrent even for me.) I gained experience in plumbing labor, fast food, retail stockroom clerking, equipment rental and boat repair.
My living arrangements mirrored my lackluster resume. Mom's house, dad's house, share rental with younger brother, crashing at older brother's after that collapses, sharing a room in a Christian share rental. After that, I got into real trouble with the divorcee that lived next door to the Christian share rental. But before I get into that, there was another instance of God's hand on my life becoming evident.
During the period that I was staying with my older brother, there was an occasion when his wife brought an acquaintance of hers from work along on a visit to my paternal grandparents' house. This acquaintance was a young Jewish woman of wholesome good looks. My brother and I were quite smitten by her. She remained friends with my sister-in-law for some time afterwards but that was my only contact with her until some months later.
I moved from my older brother's house into the Christian share rental and was working at a retail lighting outlet to support myself. My brother's marriage had hit an iceberg (his wife's affection for him) and while helping him move some of his stuff to our mother's, I had something of an encounter. I was relaxing in the garage enjoying a three-beer-buzz and some hard rock on the stereo when an audible Voice said "I'll walk with you." I knew that Voice. I had seen the Face that it belongs to. Its tone matched the look in His eyes. Absolute, infinite, undisruptible peace and certainty with perfect knowledge and comprehension of all things. I uttered some words of agreement, but they were neither necessary nor sought. He was stating an accomplished fact. I am absorbing this information to this day and will probably be doing so forever. Such unbounded intricacy contained in such straightforward simplicity. ( I love you, Lord. You are so perfect in all You do.Who am I for this?)
Anyway, the days passed at work and at play and I remained haunted by the belief that my damnation was inevitable. I just hoped against hope that God could make a way. A young man who had a janitorial business came to stay at the Christian share rental temporarily, pending marriage to his fiance, whose family home was down the block. The living room of the share rental and meals were made available to transients and the like as an expression of Christian hospitality, although this fellow was of more substantial means than was usual.
I learned through my brother and sister-in-law that her young Jewish friend had been run over by a city transit bus while cycling. I went to visit her at the hospital accompanied by the leading resident of the Christian share rental. It was around ten P.M. and we had some doubts about getting in to see her. We arrived at the nurse's station on her floor, unsure of her whereabouts and status, when I glanced down at a file sitting on the edge of the counter and noticed that it bore her name. I asked the nearest person where she was and was directed to the nearest room. The door was ajar but the lights were off. We peeked in and saw the patient peering back at us. Having recognized me,she extended an invitation for us to enter.
I was deeply moved as I took in her plight. The rear wheels of the bus had broken her pelvis and severely traumatized the softer tissues of her pelvic area. Surgical steel rods extended almost a foot from her abdomen and were clamped in place forming a frame that immobilized the fragments of fractured bone. I later learned that a large area of her skin had been stripped away exposing subcutaneous tissues to external insult and searing pain. But the most penetrating aspect of the scene was to look into eyes that had once been full of good-natured mischief and youthful invincibility and see pain, fear, apprehension and unanticipated vulnerability. She had just witnessed the instantaneous transformation of her entire world underscored by mutilation and agony and it was writ large in her wide brown eyes in a language that by-passes the mind and kicks down the door of the heart. My soul was filled with a tenderness that I had not felt since early childhood, if ever, and it was like the first seedlings of redemptive hope poking through the winter snow of God's holy wrath upon the blood-guiltiness of my evil deeds. I spoke a few words of faith and such comfort as I could muster, and my companion and I left.
Upon arriving home that evening, while still under the influence of the emotions from the hospital, I knelt by my bed and offered prayer for the girl, as I had promised. I lifted her up to the Lord's compassion and delivering power, and I prayed that He would change my heart. I then went to the dining room and opened my Bible to read. My eyes fell upon this verse:
1 Kings 9
3 And the LORD said unto him, I have heard thy prayer and thy supplication, that thou hast made before me: I have hallowed this house, which thou hast built, to put my name there for ever; and mine eyes and mine heart shall be there perpetually.
What happened next gave weight to the idea that this was a response from God, and not merely words on a page. The young man with the janitorial service came in at that moment, and, noting my excitement, inquired what had so affected me. I was relating the story of the girl at the hospital and my prayers, when he informed me that he and his business partner had witnessed the accident and were the first people at her side on the scene.They had taken charge of her until the emergency services arrived. Once she was ensconced in their care, the young man and his partner went on about their business. I was stunned and overjoyed to realize that God had directed my path in this way. I shared the unfolding of these events with the girl and her mother, and the girl later told me that she had prayed to Jesus for salvation. As I left the hospital after passing on the testimony, I noticed a license plate with the numerals 777 on it and pointed it out to the leading resident of the Christian share rental who was with me. He laughed and said, in a mildly derisive tone, " You believe in numbers?" We walked past the first car and I pointed to the license plate on the second car, "Seven, seven, seven!" I repeated. There was a look of startled introspection on his face as he made no reply.

Chapter 6

During this period, I attended the church that the young man with the janitorial business and others from the Christian share rental attended. At one service, the pastor was teaching from Genesis about how Enoch walked with God, and he commented after reading that Lamech lived seven hundred and seventy-seven years that it was a "good number".
Genesis 5
22And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
23And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
24And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.
28And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:
29And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.
30And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:
31And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died.
In the ordering of my steps, the LORD associated the number seven hundred and seventy-seven with His direct promise to walk with me.
(Genesis 9
8And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying,
9And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you;
10And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth.
11And I will establish my covenant with you, neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.
12And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:
13I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
14And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:
15And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.
16And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.
17And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.)
As for the rainbow, God has made that a token of another covenant that He made with me:
Isaiah 54
4Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
6For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
7For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.
8In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.
9For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.
10For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Chapter 7

I was still haunted by the spectre of inescapable damnation as the thrill of the bus accident intervention faded and the process of time resumed its monotonous plodding. The God of my theology was now a hopeless contradiction to the God of my reality, but the God of my reality was on my side and had demonstrated undeniable sovereign power in my life. Unfortunately, He was working with a still very sick and sinful individual.
I was yet living at the Christian share rental half a year later when the divorcee next door and I caught each other's eye. A day came when I was home from work due to mild incapacitation and she was home from work due to having taken a test for some type of real estate certification. There was car washing, music and wine coolers. Later that evening and in the days and nights to come, there was carnal knowledge. We went dining, dancing, drinking. We went away waterskiing for the weekend. We picnicked in the park with her kids.We had Thanksgiving dinner at her place with my friends… in September. I mistook my misplaced need to be needed by her as love, and was intent on a permanent relationship, traditionally known as marriage. I knew that God could not bless this relationship as it stood for at least two reasons: we weren't married and she was divorced. I had much at stake emotionally because I had deeply bonded with her. I knew, therefore, that I was extremely vulnerable to pain and trauma through it. I took to viewing pursuing the relationship as walking on water, having stepped out of the boat of Christian convention, as seeing Him Who is unseen. Apparently, the Lord looked at it that way,too. She was intent on pleasing herself. She openly dated other men, and was under no obligation not to, with one exception: she had a close female friend whose longtime live-in boyfriend had "taken a liking to her". She confided this to me with the assertion that she would not betray her friend. I found this less than credible when, after she had spent an evening on the town with him, I found them nude in her hot tub.He had come down from upstate where he lived. She and I had sort of "broken up" but I was obsessive and controlling, and when I heard the hot tub machinery come on (she knew that I was next door, and that I knew he was with her) I could not refrain from meddling. I watched from over the fence until he pulled her to him in the water and began to kiss her. She made no effort to resist. I broke up the tryst long enough to express my disapproval to her, which quenched the fire of outrage in my spirit enough to allow me to disengage from the whole scene and return to my room. They spent the night together, but, afterward, she said they didn't "do anything", as if it mattered at that point. The saddest part of the story is that I believed that a loving relationship with her was possible even after experiencing this behavior and listening to her deny and rationalize it. Even sadder was that I believed I could be part of a loving relationship with anyone in my twisted state.
Chapter 8

My welcome at the Christian share rental evaporated due to my carrying on with the neighbor lady, and watching her carry on with other men was not my idea of domestic tranquility, so I took my leave of the whole situation and relocated to my father's place in another part of the state, after hitch-hiking around for a few days. I got a job doing rental equipment maintenance and service, which was what I had been doing before. After a few weeks had passed, a female friend of the family, whose husband was in the Merchant Marine, was going down to the part of the state I had left to visit her husband while his ship was in port, and wanted someone to accompany her on the trip. I was the obvious choice. When we got into town, I called up my lover of late to say I was there. She was happy to hear it and we had something of a reunion.To my surprise she had really missed me. I returned to my father's house with the family friend when her visit was over. Subsequently, my reconstituted relationship with my former neighbor consisted of her flying up to see me over the weekend on a couple of occasions. She then took the notion of moving herself and her children to the area where I lived, which she did. From the time we first started seeing each other to the time we were living together hundreds of miles away was less than six months. That is a whirlwind romance. Actually, it was more like a maelstrom.
Chapter 9

That is when I began to encounter the hellish fiend that returned my gaze from the mirror, although it took me a long time to recognize him. Unfortunately for her children and me, I took my parenting cues from my father who, when he perceived that a child was out of line, would act and speak, in a fit of rage, as if the child were the most vile and despicable creature to draw a breath. Compounding this problem was the fact that her children were accustomed to their parents competing in a popularity contest for them. To make things worse, what I saw as rebellious and unacceptable behavior would not even raise their mother's eyebrow. What resulted was a household with mother at the center and me and her children competing for her allegiance. To further compound matters, her daughter, who was about seven years old, had been treated more as a peer than a child by her mother, and consequently became a rival with her mother for a type of attention from me that was completely inappropriate, to say the least. When I would be putting her to bed, she would put her arms around my neck and hold on saying "Stay! Stay!" She, of course, was not deliberately arousing me, but when we were alone together, she was much less inhibited in expressing affection than she was in the presence of her mother or others, and she clearly wanted to be physically closer at these times and this triggered my incestuous compulsions: "She wants it, you want it, what's the point in resisting. Deep down, you know you're a low-life, your family knows you're a low-life and when it comes down to it, you know she's a low-life, and her mother's a low-life, so what are you saving yourself for? Nobody loves you and why should they? Your not worth loving, so go ahead and satisfy this raging lust. Uncover all this nakedness that you see behind the fa├žade of normalcy. Her mother uncovers your nakedness by treating you like a child and not honoring your authority.They're all a bunch of phonies, anyway. They're just as bad, if not worse, than you are. Stop pretending that you don't want it. She wants it! She'll like it! What are you waiting for? If you were any good, you wouldn't want it, but you do, so go ahead and take it! You don't have a life worth protecting, anyway." I was not equipped to contain this firestorm of compulsion writhing inside, and within a couple of months of living in the home, after having smoked some marijuana with some house guests, I found myself caressing her genitals while she slept at night. I was horrified with myself, but I couldn't find any way out. I hoped that she had slept through it, but I suspect that she was aware of it, because she became unaccountably upset a day or two later and wanted her grandmother (which indicated that she didn't feel she could turn to her mother). I, of course, concealed my suspicions of the cause of her breakdown by way of feigning bewildered concern for her. I resolved never to touch her again, and didn't for a couple of years.
Chapter 10

For my first birthday in our new surroundings, my soon-to-be wife invited all of our family and friends in the vicinity to my father's house and served an elaborate dinner and dessert. As I had when she served "Thanksgiving in September" to me and my friends, I found myself thinking that this was all to showcase what a great woman that she was, and was not for my benefit at all. To an outsider, such thoughts sound like acute paranoia, but stick around, 'cause you ain't seen nuthin' yet.
Life went on and one weekend, after we'd had brunch with my older brother, she ups and says, "Let's get married." I always characterize my assent to this madness as "O.K." in a voice akin to the Disney character Goofy but much slower and stupider. 'Long about July of '85, we did. She made arrangements for a ceremony and honeymoon in a seaside town not far from our home. We had already had some very heated fights and arguments in the months prior to this, some of which had gotten physical, and I was not at all sure that this was the right step. After one very public altercation at a family gathering, when I returned to the house to collect my things and move out, I found a very disconsolate woman sitting on our bedroom floor, who said, in a very defeated and desolate voice, "We need you." She was totally wrong about that, but we "made up" very intensely and things settled down for the time being, though when the day to depart for matrimony came, I was looking hard for some direction. I stepped outside the front door and the first car to come down our street was a BMW with 777 on its license plate.( Just as I was writing this, I broke away from the keyboard at the last sentence to handle some business. When I drove down the thoroughfare, there was a BMW convertible with 777 on its license plate stopped in the left turn lane at the light. Remarkable.) We drove to the seaside town, and for the last several miles of two-lane highway, the car in front of us bore 777 on its license plate. We got to the ranch resort she had booked, took one look, and decided to see what else was available for lodging. There was nothing, so we checked in to our room. On the wall was a full-page artist's rendering of a scene from the Gospels taken from a magazine, and at the bottom was the caption:
Matthew 14
28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
When my bride-to-be saw it, she said, "I'm going to cry". We were wed in a quiet ceremony at a small church in town, where the only people we knew were each other. The minister said a prayer afterwards in which he appealed to the Lord to "Bless 'em real good". I know God was present at the ceremony and that He did pronounce His blessing on the union. He also pronounced a commandment:
Mark 10
4And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
5And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
6But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
10And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
11And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Judges 14
1And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.
2And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.
3Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.
4But his father and his mother knew not that it was of the LORD, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines: for at that time the Philistines had dominion over Israel.
A couple of months later, she put together a "family and friends" ceremony and reception that was pretty impressive, but meant little to me, aside from the moment after the ceremony, when her "good" friend, whose live-in boyfriend had so recently adorned her hot-tub in the buff, stepped up to me and kissed me on the mouth, saying, " I want to be the first to kiss the groom." From a certain perspective, she was entitled to a great deal more than that, but I'm glad that I failed to afford her the opportunity to turn the tables, though she was a fine woman and I liked her. (It was a rare woman, indeed, that I actually liked.) But it's best that I did not, because that would only have added to the defilement that was already at work in our lives, and such opportunities are only opportunities for the enemy to steal, kill and destroy.
Chapter 11
Shortly before we had the "family and friends" wedding ceremony, I was let go from the best job I had had to date, which was working in the metal fabrication and repair shop at a boatyard. I made $8.00 per hour, and considered myself overpaid. I worked like I was overpaid, as well, and damaged several boats due to negligence and incompetence. I had already lost the job before I was actually let go, feeling wholly incapable of performing up to my own unrealistic expectations.I was incapable of asking for help or instruction, being under the illusion that if I couldn't figure out everything for myself and do it by myself, then I wasn't fit for the job. Working like this put me under tremendous emotional stress and made holding down a job a living hell. To compound matters, I naturally alienated people because I couldn't risk them knowing me too well, lest they see my inadequacies and shame.
Upon reflection, I realize this was a function of my father's input,by which he made me feel responsible for my own character defects, as if a child is responsible for the way he turns out, and abandonment and abuse by his parents not only had nothing to do with it, but didn't even happen. To hear him tell it, he was consistently father of the year, and his sons miserably failed to live up to such excellent parenting.He once spit in my face while "disciplining" me for spitting on a school campaign poster of a fellow student that I disliked. Despite all my father's best efforts to demoralize him and break his spirit, which included punching him in the face while "disciplining" him for mistreating his siblings, my older brother was a straight- A student.
In one instance, he straddled him on the floor and hit him with his fists while I watched, and, despite the fact that we were both involved in the "transgression", which wasn't all that clear, when he had vented his rage on him, he left the room, and couldn't account for the fact that I had escaped "punishment" when relating the incident to my mother on the phone the next morning. My brother was about twelve years old at the time, and moved back to my mother's house at her insistence, but I was inexplicably left behind, presumably because I wasn't being physically abused as much as my older brother. This may be connected to the fact that my incestuous behavior with my stepsister became an uncontrollable compulsion.
It occurs to me that her more-than-willing participation may have arisen from unconscious guilt that she was often the focal point of the strife and abuse between us and our father, and she was able gratify a need to console and compensate us in this way. It also gave her a great deal of power over me, which I sense was very intoxicating. All three of us had had sexual encounters with her at different times during our teen years, but I was by far the most consistent offender. It's evil that such nurturing impulses can be twisted into such destructive mal-expression by sin:
Romans 7
14 For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Anyway, after that, I held a job briefly working in a structural steel yard, and then took an entry- level job at another boatyard. I learned the basics of boat repair and maintenance, and also got some experience in propeller repair because of my metal-working background. That was a milestone in that, apart from the military, it was the first job I kept for more than a year. I then took another boatyard job which lasted about a year.
Chapter 12

It was during the latter boatyard job that we had our first child, a son. He was the joy of my otherwise largely miserable existence.
We also purchased our first home with the "help" of my mother-in-law during this period. She was a study in sociopathic dysfunction, let me tell you! As a prelude to things to come, she took it upon herself to do some work in our rosebeds, and cut many of them to bring to the hospital when my wife was having our son. When we came home from the hospital, more roses were waiting at home. My stepson noted that there was still a rose on a rosebush out front. I suggested that we leave at least one in the garden. Apparently, that was my mother-in-law's cue to be certain that it was cut. When I confronted her about it, she dismissively stated that because she had done some weeding, etc. in the yard, she was entitled to do as she pleased. As I descended into a screaming rage in response to her utter contempt for me and my wishes concerning our home, she acted as though my behavior were inexplicable and completely inappropriate. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realize that the only place for a person of her particular psychosis was safely outside of my home and relationships. I have heard that mental institutions are full of people that have fallen victim to such completely twisted passive/ aggressive predators. I find this quite easy to believe, and you will see that my story is one of psychological, emotional and personal survival of such pathological malevolence. More on this later.
Chapter 13

It was also during this period that my incestuous compulsions and my stepdaughter's behavior toward me precipitated a self destructive leap into what was starting to become habitual, ever more risky incursions into her bedroom at night. What broke me down from my resolve not to touch her was that she, at about ten years of age, requested that I come in and shut off her fan after she went to sleep. When I entered her room, she was flat on her back on top of the bedclothes with her legs spread wide, wearing nothing but a short shirt and panties. I couldn't shake the idea that this was an invitation, although she was asleep, because when we interacted in front of other family members, she didn't show me natural affection, but was keenly interested in tickling me sensually when she could. On about the second or third surreptitious visit to her room, my wife, who was supposed to be asleep, saw me go in. At first, I tried to convince her that I was sleepwalking, but as she persisted, and as I was tired of covering and running from my sin, I confessed. I expected that my life was over at that point, but I was concerned for the welfare of my stepdaughter, and couldn't go on living in denial of my powerlessness to overcome my compulsive behavior. I also had faith in the promises of scripture:
Psalm 130
1Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD.
2Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.
3If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?
4But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.
5I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
6My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
7Let Israel hope in the LORD: for with the LORD there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.
8And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
Proverbs 28:13
13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
1 John 1
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Once I confessed to her, I felt an unbearable burden lift, and found that now that it was in the open, its power over me was broken.

1 John 1
5 This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
My wife wasn't satisfied with this, however, and though she decided to stick with me, she insisted that I get counseling. I told her that the authorities would have to be notified by anyone that was informed of the situation in a professional capacity, because I had learned this from "Something about Amelia" on television. I submitted to her wishes, however, and she set an appointment with a Christian psychiatric professional. The woman was stunned to hear me disclose the nature of my relationships with my stepsister and stepdaughter. She commented that it basically doesn't ever happen. She was even more astonished when she called the sheriff's department, and I divulged the circumstances of my visit to them over the phone, knowing that I faced criminal charges.Child protective services took oversight of the situation, I was required to move out of our home, and we were ordered to participate in several child sexual abuse programs, which we did. I was not, however, charged with any crimes.
My overall impression of the system was that it compelled activities, but didn't really affect the condition of people's hearts, and was therefore ineffective. Most offenders repreat sexual abuse. I didn't, because the love of God in Christ Jesus changed my heart and gave me compassion and hope where once there had only been wrath. He also began to show me my worth in terms of His love and grace in Christ and not in terms of my history, performance or deficiencies.
2 Corinthians 5
21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.
Chapter 14

There is another side to incestuous co-dependence that humanistic remedies are incapable of recognizing and addressing: the hypocritical, artificial pretense of "victimhood" and the attendant oppression and indignity that the so-called "offender" is wrongfully subjected to by family members that enjoy the appearance of moral superiority in the eyes of those without. Family members maintain the pretense of virtuous tolerance while treating the "offender" as a doormat and scapegoat for all their failures as people. The "offender" has no outlet for his rage, besides further sexual, verbal or physical abuse, which only reinforces his social status, because society refuses to recognize him as anything other than an "offender" and his family members as anything other than "victims". God's Word, however, does not suffer from such myopia:
Hebrews 4
9There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
10For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.
11Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief.
12For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
13Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.
14Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
15For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. 

Genesis 19
24Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
27And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the LORD:
28And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace.
29And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt.
30And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
31And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
32Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
33And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
34And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
35And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
36Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

37And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
38And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.

Now to the average outside observer, Lot was a sick bastard, and his daughters were helpless victims of his perversion, but the Word of God sees much more clearly than that:
Leviticus 18
4Ye shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the LORD your God.
5Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the LORD.
6None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.
17Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.

21And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.
Now why is a prohibition against sacrificing children through fire to Molech found in a passage that deals with sexual, primarily incestuous, immorality? Let's see!
Chapter 15

First, what is Molech?
1 Kings 11
7Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon.
Who are the children of Ammon?
Genesis 19
36Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
37And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
38And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
But what has incest to do with sacrificing children through fire unto idols? In other words, what was the inspiration of this abomination? Ah! Behold:
Genesis 19
4But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
5And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
6And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
7And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
8Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
9And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.
Whoa! Now we begin to see Lot's daughters in a different light. Before they uncovered their father's nakedness, he had uncovered theirs!
Chapter 16

Numbers 30

3If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth;
4And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her; then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.
5But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.

The authority and power of a father forms a protective covering for his daughters when they live with him, but in Lot's case, he maintained a protective covering for total strangers, but, when pressed, willingly offered up his own daughters.They then, quite naturally, uncovered his nakedness when the time came. (This is typical of incestuous families, that treat strangers and outsiders with respect and deference, and treat their own blood like worthless garbage.) Lot was willing to turn his back while his daughters were subjected to the lusts, pleasures, and abuse of a debauched and violent mob in order to fulfill his social obligations to his guests. In this, he was a sick bastard. This is the genesis of the worship of Molech, whereby parents abandon their children to abuse, neglect and rejection in favor of the exigencies of worthless and transitory social priorities and pressures. It also becomes a stronghold of iniquity that wreaks destruction from one generation to the next, so much so that in the case of the Ammonites, it became their patron idol and a national reproach.
Molech: A detestable Semitic deity honored by the sacrifice of children, in which they were caused to pass through or into the fire. Palestinian excavations have uncovered evidences of infant skeletons in burial places around heathen shrines. Ammonites revered Molech as a protecting father. Worship of Molech was stringently prohibited by Hebrew law. (Lev. 18:21; 20:1-5) Solomon built an altar to Molech at Tophet in the Valley of Hinnon. Manasseh in his idolatrous orgy also honored this deity. Josiah desecrated the Hinnom Valley altar, but Jehoiakim revived the cult." Unger's Bible Dictionary by Merrill F. Unger (Chicago: Moody Press, 1957); page 416.
I don't know her source, but Marilyn Hickey, a well known Bible teacher, described Molech worship as a rite in which loud music and drunken revelry distracts the parents so that they can't hear the screams of their dying offspring as they are offered through the fire. This is prototypical of the enabling silence of a mother who will not confront the abuse of her children due to socio-economic expediencies. In other words, a raging fire is devouring the family behind closed doors while a front of normalcy is maintained for outside view.This paralysis of mother is typified by Lot's wife, who, due to her preoccupation with the goings on in Sodom, became a pillar of salt, because she failed to prioritize the urgency of her family's plight and attend to their real needs. She was going along, but her heart and mind were elsewhere, rendering her worthless in attending to their real needs.
Genesis 19
15And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.
16And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.
17And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
She was looking the other way, in direct disobedience to God's Word. In my experience, my wife (and, to a greater degree, her mother) was not moved by terrible strife, dysfunction and dishonor within the family, so long as it didn't impinge on her delusory self image and standing among her peers, but when I began to function as a more healthy, self-valuing man of genuine Christian faith, and to assert a truly godly agenda for our household, which necessitated her exposure as a spousal, parental, spiritual, and professional failure, I committed the unpardonable sin, and was duly executed.
Leviticus 20
1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
2Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.
3And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name.
4And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not:
5Then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people.
In my case, I was the arresting officer, handing myself over to the judgment of God and man, without reservation or pleas of mitigating circumstances, because there are none, but, as stated above, my wife put on a show of " compassion" for me, until I stopped playing along with her charade, and concealing her behind my dysfunction, with a little "circumstantial" help.
Proverbs 12
10A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
Chapter 17


Notice something else that is revealed by God's Word:
Genesis 19
30And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

This reveals the isolation and secrecy that the incestuous dysfunction engenders in the family structure. It should be noted that when Lot came to Sodom, he was a wealthy herdsman, but when he left, he barely escaped with his life. Lot retreats from the community in which he lived and pulls his daughters in after him. The normal, healthy process would be for him to oversee their socialization in the community and ultimately release them to protective, loving husbands, or, at least, release them to lead safe, wholesome single lives if marriage didn't suit them. Lot, however, driven by fear, and possibly ashamed of his failures as a leader and father in Sodom, withdraws. His daughters' socialization as wives and mothers gets perverted toward the only accessible man, their father and captor, who is unwilling or unable to bless and release them because that would expose his failures to the scrutiny of his peers.
Chapter 18

John 3

16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
19And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
20For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
21But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

It must be noted here that Lot's daughters' actions, cloaked in the rationale of preserving the family name through offspring, are nevertheless acts of violation and humiliation. Instead of presenting their planned parenthood to their father for counsel and approval, they induce a state of vulnerability and then exploit it without his consent. This is typical of women in incestuous families, who make all kinds of choices and decisions without the father's counsel and assent, but stick him with the burden and consequences of those choices. In fact, it is the mother and daughters in such families that set the agenda and priorities of the household. Women in these families are extremely manipulative and controlling. When they succeed in inducing sexual or physical abuse, they experience a deep satisfaction through the power that it gives them over their "abusers". They are addicted to it, and therefore they keep pulling the men back into the cycle. Men and boys are forced into subservient, dependent roles through ruthless subversion and compulsive female insubordination and passive/aggressive domination,and they lack the self esteem and confidence to escape the entanglements and dependency and form a self affirming, healthy life order.Yet women in these relationships almost supernaturally avoid exposure as the hateful, malicious monsters that they are, because their victims, the men, have no voice, or their cries are drowned out by the social in-expediency of recognizing them as victims. When outside scrutiny is directed at them, the women don the disguise of powerless victims and invoke the men's status as sexual and physical abusers to cut them off from access to social empathy and aid to combat their victimization. But there's one Source of aid from which no one can be cut off:
Matthew 18
10Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.
11For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.
12How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?
13And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.
14Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.
I survived the relationship with my now ex-wife by following the instructions of scripture, and part of those instructions required me to walk in a path that controverted the legal processes in place, and this cost me my citizenship and parental rights, but God made me a promise and He is keeping it:

Isaiah 49

14But Zion said, The LORD hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.
15Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
16Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.
17Thy children shall make haste; thy destroyers and they that made thee waste shall go forth of thee.
18Lift up thine eyes round about, and behold: all these gather themselves together, and come to thee. As I live, saith the LORD, thou shalt surely clothe thee with them all, as with an ornament, and bind them on thee, as a bride doeth.
19For thy waste and thy desolate places, and the land of thy destruction, shall even now be too narrow by reason of the inhabitants, and they that swallowed thee up shall be far away.
20The children which thou shalt have, after thou hast lost the other, shall say again in thine ears, The place is too strait for me: give place to me that I may dwell.
21Then shalt thou say in thine heart, Who hath begotten me these, seeing I have lost my children, and am desolate, a captive, and removing to and fro? and who hath brought up these? Behold, I was left alone; these, where had they been?
22Thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I will lift up mine hand to the Gentiles, and set up my standard to the people: and they shall bring thy sons in their arms, and thy daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders.
23And kings shall be thy nursing fathers, and their queens thy nursing mothers: they shall bow down to thee with their face toward the earth, and lick up the dust of thy feet; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD: for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me.
24Shall the prey be taken from the mighty, or the lawful captive delivered?
25But thus saith the LORD, Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered: for I will contend with him that contendeth with thee, and I will save thy children.
26And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine: and all flesh shall know that I the LORD am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob.
We completed the counseling and group therapy requirements of child protective services and the family was reunited. The secular humanist legal system's fatal encounter with me did not occur until seven years later.

1 Corinthians 6

   1Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?
   2Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?
   3Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?
   4If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.
   5I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?
   6But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.
   7Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?
   8Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.

Isaiah 54

11O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
   12And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
   13And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
   14In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.
   15Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake.
   16Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the coals in the fire, and that bringeth forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy.
   17No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

1 Kings 3

   23Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.
   24And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.
   25And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
   26Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.
   27Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
   28And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.

Now let me give an account of myself  to my children.

 The last time I saw my children was a watershed day in my life. Having separated from my ex-wife due to an impasse as to which of us was to be the head of the household, I was at our home for a visit with our kids. My ex-wife's attitude was that we would remain married, but that I needed to "get my mind right". I was always the one who needed to get my mind right. That was the problem: a distorted familial narrative wherein in every conflict or dispute, I was at fault or deficient or lacking or the cause of the problem, and she was perfect, correct, flawless, and otherwise above reproach or grounds for criticism. (She was locked in a mommy/ child paradigm with me and was unable to adjust to a husband / wife modality of social discourse. I could no longer tolerate the terms of our relationship, as her manifold personal deficiencies remained inaccessible to review and resolution. All attempts at "Christian" counseling [what an abominable, humanistic obscenity that has degenerated into] resulted in a degrading, demeaning recitation and examination of all my many inadequacies. I'll see you hypocrits at the bar of divine justice. So help me, God.) To provide context, we were married as Christians in a church. All of my decisions will make sense when illuminated by the Word of God.
  
1 Timothy 2
 8I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.
 9In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
 11Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
 12But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
 15Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Anyway, as her spouse, I inquired about physical access at some point for conjugal relations, which she refused for a third consecutive time.

1 Corinthians 7
 1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
 6But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

 Her position and behavior were clearly not supported by scripture. Since she wanted to occupy the role of my spouse without its attendant responsibilities and obligations, I informed her that if I caught her with another man, I would kill her. She made some protest about not being involved with any other men, which indicated that she had not understood what I was saying, so I repeated the statement that if I found her with another man, I would kill her. I went upstairs, hugged and kissed my son, and apologized to him for the adversarial nature of my relationship with his mother, and left. That was the last time I saw him. Apparently, that evening, according to a police report that I saw later, a sliding glass door at the residence was left with a 1/16 inch hole by some sort of impact. When questioned, I informed them, TRUTHFULLY,  that I was not in any way involved with the incident. I obviously affirm that I told her that I would kill her under certain specific circumstances.